Self-Defeating Behaviors: Free Yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings, and Attitudes That Hold You Back
By: Milton R. Cudney, Ph.D. and Robert E. Hardy, Ed.D
The title of this book seems to promise great help with regards to self-defeating behaviors. Since so many people have these behaviors that hinder their lives, this book should really solve a lot of people's problem. According to the cover on the back of this book, self-defeating behaviors include, but are not limited to:
- Procrastination
- Defensiveness
- Alcohol/Substance Abuse
- Depression
- Suspciousness
- Shyness
- Overeating
- Smoking
- Hostility
- Worrying
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When I saw this book, I thought that it would help me with my procratination and perhaps worrying problem. Yeah, I tend to waste time and also think a lot and worry about a lot of stuff that it doesn't help me with my life and I do feel like I am being held back from my self-acknowledge behavior. To rid of these behaviors, I knew I'd need some guidance, as it is harder to do it than it seems. The title of this book seems to hit the spot with me so I picked it up and borrowed it from the library.
After reading it, to my disappointment, 2/3 of the book was spent on explaining and discussing how self-defeating behaviors were formed, how they work, and all the many factors that affect this process and how people generally take the wrong steps down the wrong path, and what the correct path should be. The authors believe that it is important for the readers to understand how this process works in order to be able to actually work on themselves. I don't think I agree with the authors, as when I was reading it, I felt like even though the text was informative, but it was meant for students, not 'patients". There were very limited examples and I could not relate to any of them. For a self-help book, I think that it is essential for the readers to identify with the issues/examples discussed in the book in order to feel that the book is geared toward the readers and that they should be able to gain some help from the book. I did not feel that way for the most part. This book would have been very good for people who want to learn about the topic and how they work and why they happen, but I wouldn't recommend it for people who want to use it to help themselves.
The authors did leave a few short chapters that outline what to do to defeat your self-defeating behaviors. However, I feel that what was said was too vague and the exercises that the authors suggest in doing were too difficult to do. I think for someone to be able to do the exercises, he/she would have to know themselves very very well, and notice all their behaviors on cue. I don't think most people are like that. Since the exercises seemed too difficult for me, I couldn't go on to the next step because the next step requires knowledge of the result that you got from the previous exercise. I found what was said by the authors were too vague, as there are just too many self defeating behaviors out there for them to be able to give one general approach to the different behaviors.
In sum, here are two reasond why I think this book was not an effective self-help book. One, the exercises that the authors suggested the readers to do were too difficult to do. The exercises requires you to think very deeply about your behavior and pattern. I couldn't do it because I am not that aware of my behaviors to under why and what I do waht I do. Even if I thought of some answers to the exercises, I wasn't sure if i was on the right track, and there was no one to guide me. I think to do these exercises, it would be best to have someone there to help you analyze and guide for you: reading according to the instructions given just wouldn't be enough to derive the answers that the authors intend you to get. Two, I think that the text written by the authors were too vague. Again, there are so many different kinds self-defeating behaviors that I don't think by having only a few chapters on how to defeat ALL of them is sufficient. The book needs to have the readers relate to the examples and discussions given and that sure didn't happen with me.
Maybe if the authors would break up the each self-defeating behaviors individually and give examples and specific approach on how to break these behaviors, this book would have been better. It would probably take more than one book to accomplish discussing all these behaviors...but that would be a different story.
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